I will say, I have noticed a change in how I feel about physical touch. Though I still value hugs, and the occasional kiss on the cheek, I find myself engaging in physical touch less and less, especially with my father. All the way up to age twelve I would often, if not everyday, hug, and get a kiss from both my parents every night. It was definitely a combination of me turning thirteen and knowing ‘teen’ was now part of my identity, as well as genuine realization that I was shifting from boyhood to young manhood. Ever since I turned 13, I’ve only side-hugged family, immediate and extended, and rarely men. I believe that my mind, voice, and body maturing, in conjunction with the males in my family’s lack of maternal instinct, there’s just a mutual, less will to hug each other as an expression of love. I more so exchange love with my dad, uncles, male cousins, etc., through talks of relationships, life, and future plans. Such emotional vulnerability can be just as intimate as, if not more intimate than, any hug.
— Sterling, From Fayetteville, NC, Cumberland Polytechnic High School
I also believe it is harder for men to express affection because of traditional stereotypes that have been applied to them that are hard to break, even today. Most men feel that they should not be weak or soft, and showing affection (such as hugging) can show that they are not strong. While this is most definitely not true, beliefs such as this have been instilled for generations and can be hard to break out of. Women have typically been seen as more nurturing and softer, so hugging and showing other affection is seen as a good thing.
— Sophie, Norwood High School, Norwood, MA
Finally, students gave advice to parents and teens who are struggling to connect.
I believe that if a teenager does not want to show physical affection, parents can improve their relationships with them by other means. Hugs are not the only way to be affectionate. A parent can have a meaningful conversation with their children, in which both parties listen to what the other has to say. As a result, parents can understand their child’s interests. Usually, parents overstep their child’s boundaries, either on purpose or by accident, degrading their relationship. However, with a proper conversation, boundaries can be set properly, and the reasons why they are in place can be discussed. This would be extremely beneficial to a parent-child relationship.
— Wardah, Valley Stream North
If parents want to have better conversations with their teens, I’d tell them to just listen more and stop trying to force a connection. Don’t make everything about lectures or advice. Sometimes we just want to talk without being judged. If teens asked me how to improve things with their parents, I’d say try being honest but also calm, even when it’s annoying. Not every talk has to turn into a fight.
— Takya, Nc
I would suggest to parents who feel distant from their teenage children, try to be there for them, even if they seem like they don’t want it, they need it. All I’m trying to say is, show them that you are there from their ups and downs in life. I would say to teens who want advice about improving their relationship with their parents, try to be more open with your parents, make them feel like you want them in your life. True they can be frustrating from time to time, but they care so much about you, more than you will know.
— Cole, J.R.Masterman, Philadelphia, PA
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